Monday, January 3, 2011


Around this time, when we're making definitive statements about how to approach our brand new, shiny year, we sometimes need a bit of guidance. How do we articulate all the fantastic changes we plan to make, how incredibly self improving we’re going to be, how much better a weather respecter? Well I don’t know how you’re going to lose weight, become a nicer person or change that Year Two haircut, but here are some ways to make your weather watching pipe dreams a reality.

Buy a barometer.* Hang it outside your front door and give it a light tap occasionally on your way to the shops. You care about the humidity. That's what a barometer says.

Invest in a pair of shoes that scream winter, walking time. These should be very, very sturdy and therefore unattractive. Now you look like a dedicated weather adventurer!

Learn the names of the different cloud formations. Take black and white photos of your favourite, frame them, and display in your bathroom. Go cirrus!

Start mentioning the weather in the middle of conversations. Beginning a chat with the weather is boring and predictable; don’t relegate the weather to small talk! Bring it up during the intense conversation listing the pros and cons of wikileaks and whether Julian Assange is a douche. Your chatting partner will be both surprised and pleased.

Pay attention to the local television weather reporting and determine your best forecaster based on their graphics, ability to follow green screen and how good their weather puns are. The forecast was for freezing rain, and sure enough it was an ice day!!” Write them a fan letter.

Learn from your fave presenter and try to include weather references and metaphors in your everyday conversation. "My, your sweater is very autumnal." "This conversation is experiencing a cold snap!" Oh, how you'll laugh.

Self improvement is admirable and occasionally achievable. In 2011 you can start a new decade by being the best weather watcher you can be. At least for the month of January.

London tomorrow, who the hell cares, we’re back at WORK! It’s not like we could be taking advantage of any unexpected warm spell, cooped up in the office. Wear a tracksuit.

* For trainspotters a barometer doesn’t actually measure humidity, it gauges the atmospheric pressure. But no one else knows that, and a barometer looks cooler. We MUST maintain the cool. 

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