Sunday, February 20, 2011

Celebrities tweeting about the weather.

I know what you think sometimes. This is not in a creepy, ‘every breath you take’ way, I just know that you occasionally read this blog and have a little, niggling voice of doubt. It’s possibly saying “Not EVERYTHING is about the weather. Jess just can’t take any topic and connect it in some loose and often dubious way to how we’re all ‘affected’ by the weather and need to be more respectful and in awe of it’s awesomeness. I mean, preachy much?” Well yes, I know we can be drawing the occasional long bow in aligning the weather with absolutely everything in our lives. I can however demonstrate how its burly ways affect everyONE, with some random celebrities tweeting about the weather. 

Stephen Colbert, speaking for the everyman. And shoe retailers.

Peter Serafinowicz takes weather analogies to a graphic new level. 

Kanye DEFINITELY read my post on peaking too early, and obviously concurs with the sentiment. I feel Kanye and I have a lot in common, aside from the fact this is one of his only tweets I actually understand.  

Wayne Coyne takes a break from posting naked pictures of his wife to chat about the weather! If you’d like to see regular naked pictures of his wife, feel free to follow.

Radiohead weather metaphor! They are changing the face of EVERYTHING.

I really wish she was talking about the weather here. I don’t think she is. YOU’RE WASTING TWITTER LILY.

That’s better. 

And to end on a serious note:

I haven’t read this article, but I’m sure its full of positive studies about how summer is just one long party. Thanks Al! 

Celebrities. Even they love the weather. 

London tomorrow, see aforeposted Peter Serafinowicz tweet. And then throw up in your wellies.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Beautiful People

Made a discovery today. Copenhagen, Denmark, is full of beautiful, healthy looking, envy inspiring natives. The local Copenhagians glide around their gorgeously designed city with the aura of the blessed. Girls zoom by on fire engine red bikes, skin glowing, flaxen hair floating, angel dust sprinkled across their golden brown cheeks. The men stroll, with calm eyes and strong shoulders, their hands weathered by soft breezes. All of this physical poetry was simply a lovely sight for London weary eyes (no offence). What is it about this place? There can’t be anything in the water, so it has to be the weather. (Good deduction, non?)

We've talked before about the weather making a city. Nature's turns, and our need to adapt to them, are a huge part of how we've evolved into the gorgeous beings (speak for yourself Danes) we are today. It's one reason folk with darker skin come from deserty areas and why gingers should only live in Scotland. And it turns out the weather influence in Denmark is pretty darn handsome. 

Today people were joyful. They were all song of joy, just bursting with it, in minus 2 degree weather. Maybe its because the sun was shining and their city looked gorgeous, but I prefer to think it's because they were able to picnic on ice. This isn't some kind of all in community icecapade, but is quite literally the locals having a snack, while sitting on solid ice. Copenhagen has celebrated the changes in weather so much that when the city's lakes (there are 5 of them) freeze over, it’s no time to bitch and moan and watch all 86 episodes of The Sopranos. It's a chance to take shortcuts (on your bike), to meet friends for a chat halfway, and to park yourself, blanket and all, for a quick canapĂ© on the ice. When traversing a lake Jesus style becomes a reality, the Danes cuddle the opportunity to their naturally gorgeous bosom.

So why does this make them good-looking? Well happiness breeds loveliness, generally in the face area. And why are they so happy? It could be the delightful description of the climate from Denmark's weather is quite mild and the climate of Denmark is temperate, made mild by mostly west winds and by the seas surrounding Denmark almost entirely. The winters are not particularly cold and the summers are mild.” You know what that’s the equivilent of saying? Everythings fine. Everything is always fine.
The fact that they have a beach ripe for summer time swimming, and a bridge to go to Sweden, could also contribute to the potential for Denmark to breed the entire cast of Next Top Model.

Jaws dropped when we came across the stunning 6ft 2 amazon woman whose middle name was Muff. (Jaws were down more on the announcement of the middle name. They scrapped the floor when she told us the story of being 15 and researching her name history using her Christian minister Dad’s computer. She goggled muff, saw 'muff divers' appear as the lead search and thought she was possibly related to a clan of hard core* traditional food foragers. She watched not one, but two videos. She then spent the next week petrified her dad would be fired for accessing far too many muffs on the church patrolled laptop). After this meet we quickly saw that the Danish beauty delves below the skin, because the Danes seem super trusting (eg telling complete strangers your middle name story). People park their pushies unlocked, knowing they will definitely be there when they get back, and even leave their prams outside restaurants (on closer inspection this was sans child but I definitely think they would…). The weather seems to make the Danes rugged and strong, sun kissed and radiant, and smiley and kind. 

Are you looking around now wondering how your weather has evolved you? It’s there, you can’t avoid it. It might be your Dad’s permanent sock tan, your Uncle’s body hair covering him like a wet suit, or your webbed feet, but your weather has definitely made a part of you. It might not be the radiant godliness of the Danes, but hey, we can’t all be blessed.

Copenhagen tomorrow, more loveliness. They don’t even have rain, but have ‘sleet’. Because it’s more interesting than rain and you something to offset the gently falling snowflakes every once in a while...

*Possible inappropriate use of the term 'hard core' right there.